Mother ( to small son): "Now Johnnie, you can't have the hammer to play with. You'll hit your fingers."
Johnnie: "No I won't, Mummie. Doris is going to hold the nails."
An elderly lady who was visiting the Capitol Building for the first time went in to hear a debate which she listened to with puzzled interest.
“You know,” she observed, “I’m sure if the nation’s politicians were laid end to end, they would point in all directions!”
One editor of a small town paper, who became irritated with the number of complaints following his editorials, decided to run the Ten Commandments in place of his next editorial. A few days later a letter arrived reading: Cancel my subscription. You’re getting too personal!
Bill and Charlie were in a store when a hoodlum dashed in and announced,
“This is a hold-up!”
While he was searching the patrons for valuables, Charlie nudged his friend and whispered, “Take this.”
“Take what?” asked Bill.
“The $25.00 I owe you.”
While riding on a bus, a little old lady noticed three children and told their mother: “I’d give 10 years of my life to have such fine and nice-looking children.” “That,” the mother responded, “is just what it cost me.”
When the teacher asked the little boy if he were animal, vegetable or mineral, he answered proudly, “Vegetable. I’m a human bean.”
After crawling into Grandfather’s lap, little Freddie asked, “Were you in the ark, Grandpa?” The grandfather replied, “Why, no son.” The youngster persisted, “Then why weren’t you drowned?”