“I’m convinced that the publishers have a conspiracy against me,” was the comment of Fred Brown. “But why would you say this?” said his friend. “You haven’t even had a book published yet!” “But can’t you see? That’s where the conspiracy is. Ten of them have now’ refused the same book.”

Two persons were hotly discussing the merits of a book. Finally, one of them, himself an author, said to the other:

“No, John, you can’t appreciate it. You never wrote a book yourself and you have no idea of a book’s quality.”

“Perhaps, Harry, but remember I have never laid an egg, but I’m a far better judge of an omelet than any hen.”

A group was being addressed by a famous author. His lecture was finished and the question and answer period had progressed very well.
Near the close of this session he was asked: “Which of your works of fiction do you consider to be your best, Dr. Martin?” Without hesitation he replied, “My last income tax return.”

A man and wife were in deep argument over the controversy concerning the author of the plays attributed to Shakespeare. The woman insisted that Bacon really wrote them, and the husband was as adamant that Shakespeare wrote them. Finally the husband said, “Well, when I get to Heaven, I am going to ask Shakespeare whether he really wrote the plays.”

“But suppose he isn’t there?

“Then you ask him, my dear," was the curt response.

Dear Editor,

Your classified ad department is fantastic. Thursday I lost a gold watch which I valued very highly. Friday I inserted an ad in your lost and found column. It didn't come out in the paper until Saturday morning. Yet, would you believe, Saturday afternoon I went home and found the watch in the pocket of another suit? God bless your paper and keep up the good work.

“I’m sorry,” said the diner, who hoped to get away with it, “but I haven’t any money to pay for that meal.”

“That’s all right,” said the cashier. “We’ll write your name on the wall and you can pay the next time you come in.”

“Oh, don’t do that. Everybody who comes in will see it.”

“Oh, no, they won’t. Your overcoat will be hanging over it.”