The definition of a fisherman is a sportsman who catches fish sometimes by patience, sometimes by luck, but more often by the tale.

The patient phoned his dentist for an immediate appointment. The tooth was aching to the point of being almost unbearable.

“I’d love to take you now,” said the dentist, “but I’m very' busy. In fact, this afternoon I have eighteen cavities to fill.”

Whereupon, he hung up the phone, picked up his golf bag, and departed.

“Good heavens, Mother," cried Whistler when he saw the aged woman scrubbing the floor.

“Have you gone off your rocker?”

The young bridegroom was patiently awaiting his cold drink. Finally, he could bear it no longer and went into the kitchen to check on his bride.

“And what is my snookums doing in here so long?” he asked.

The worried bride explained, “I rinsed the ice cubes in this warm water and now I can't find them.”

The pastor had assured his congregation in this way, “Every blade of grass is a sermon.”

A couple of days later the good Reverend was mowing his lawn. One of his beloved members passed by and gave evidence of having heard the last sermon and desiring a change in future ones. He said, “That’s the stuff, Reverend! Cut your sermons short!”

“Dear Mom,

Please send me something to eat. All we ever get to eat around here is breakfast, dinner and supper.”