Two tramps approached an Indiana farmer for food. “Fill that shed with kindling wood and you'll get the best meal you have had in weeks.”

Several minutes later the farmer came by to see how they were doing. The one tramp was leaning on the ax handle and the other was jumping around with great dexterity. “Goodness,” said the farmer. “I didn't know your friend was an acrobat.”

The reply, “Neither did I ‘till I cracked him on the shin with this ax.”

An American and a Russian were debating the merits of their respective countries. “In the United States,” said the American, “we have freedom of speech.” “We have freedom of speech in the USSR, too,” retorted the Russian. “In this country,” said the American, “I can walk up to Nixon and call him a jerk. That's nothing,” replied the Russian, “in my country I. too can walk up to Kosygin and say, ‘Nixon is a jerk!’”

The man was bragging about his new hearing aid. “I can hear a leaf drop a block away. A drop of water is like an explosion. I can hear tears in the apartment next door. This hearing aid is the greatest in the world.”

“What kind is it?” asked his friend

“It’s a quarter to nine,” he answered.

The hypochondriac was complaining to the doctor. He said he had a fatal liver disease. “That’s silly,” the doctor said, “how would you know? With that disease there is no discomfort of any kind.”

“Those are my symptoms exactly,” replied the hypochondriac.

A lawyer tore excitedly into court and asked that a new trial be granted a client found guilty the day previous. “I’ve uncovered new evidence,” declared the lawyer.

“Of what nature?” asked the judge.

“My client,” the lawyer told him, “has an extra six thousand dollars. I only found out about it this morning.”

The surgeon’s friend was congratulating him concerning a successful

operation. He pointed out that he had operated just in time. “Why, you got that patient in just the nick of time. By tomorrow he would have been well.”