They had just arrived in an area where figs were raised by the acres. The woman was intrigued by a certain tree and asked the guide what it was. He nonchalantly replied, “That, my dear lady, is a fig tree.” She stood several moments with a puzzled expression upon her face, and then she said, “But that can’t be a fig tree!” “But it is, Madam, it is!”

After a long pause fellow passengers heard her mumble, “But I thought the leaves were larger than that!”

A widow was trying to get him to guess her age. He was hesitant, and she said, “You must have some idea, surely.”

His sage response was, “I have several ideas. The only trouble is I hesitate whether to make you ten years younger on account of your looks, or ten years older on account of your intelligence.”

There were two old sailors sitting in their favorite barroom. The place had been completely modernized and refurbished. It was clean and very sanitary now. The one said to the other:

“I suppose it’s all right, Bill, these new-fashioned trappings, but I miss the old spittoon.”

“Yep, you always did, Jim.”

The American history teacher had spent some weeks concerning the history of our early years as a nation. She asked, “Why did the Puritans come to this country?”

There were several responses, but the classic was from one of the boys, “To worship in their own way and make other people do the same.”

The group had been making a tour of the piano factory-. The guide was proudly pointing to the beautiful ivory keys of their prize instruments. ‘‘Why, it takes 5,000 elephants a year to make our piano keys.”

A voice in the back of the group responded, “Isn't it remarkable what those intelligent beasts can be trained to do! What will they think of next for them to do!”

“I can’t think why the board at the opera company makes such a fuss over Miss Smith’s voice. I feel that Miss Bartly has a much richer voice.”

“They do, too, but Miss Smith has a much richer father.”